Archives for posts with tag: freedom


As each day passes, the light becomes brighter
Bringing clarity to matters of heart and head
That once seemed impossible to figure out
Leaving me wonder how long I must tread
Toiling and troubling, my mind would circle round
Trying to make sense of the direction I should take
And examining the hidden messages
To learn of the lessons, for my own sake
With Pluto demanding  nothing but the truth
I’ve been forced to face the shadows of darkness and death
Shut away and hidden, rejected and repressed
Always preventing me from complete soul’s rest
Now I know, without a shadow of a doubt
That you were all part of the cosmic plan
Reflecting the parts of which I had been so ashamed
I confronted them one by one, lifting their perennial ban
Slowly, I resuscitate each and every part of me
Breathing life into every crack, crevice and corner
I implore them for their forgiveness and understanding
And with such simplicity, I have paid the debt I incur
With humility and gratitude, I receive such grace
To unlock myself from these chains
Giving myself the choice of being
I have fallen in love with freedom’s taste
With Love,
Cupped within thy holy chalice
Holds life’s great mysteries
Those who dare to pry fingers open
Will be faced with eternal history
Beware of the curiosity
That beckons, allures and tempts
If it is the chase you want
The prize will make you regret you went
For once revealed in its Divine light
The truth resounds at a deafening note
And the heat may be too hot to handle
That you will forget all that has been wrote
The scribes took great pains
To preserve our past
Turn each page slowly
Unless you want the die to be cast
Sip slowly from thy holy chalice
Knowing that it’s to be shared
Go forth in service and humility
Let your soul be free and bare.  
With Love,
Walking along this path
I am taught an eternal lesson
One that I have long known
But need to be reminded of
I look at the canopy above me
And see the bending trees
They grow toward the light
Into the openness and the sun
They do not know any other way
And when they are blocked
They find a way around or through
For nothing comes between the two
This is the wisdom I was taught
From Mother Earth and her gnomes
Her fairies and her mushrooms
She shouts it from the trees
I must follow the sunshine
I must find the light
And will say goodbye to all those things
That makes life feel too tight
For the light is levity
And freedom and support
Even when darkness falls
I shall use the light to stand up tall
I now recognize the inner light
That grasps hands with the outer sun
And what I’m being told
Is that our solar power has just begun
Reflect, beam and shine the way
From the love that’s within
To find glory, love and joy
Never feel without
With Love,
(v) watch over in order to protect or control.
(n) a person who keeps watch, esp. a soldier or other person formally assigned to protect a person or to control access to a place. a device worn or fitted to prevent injury or damage.
We learn at an early, impressionable age why and when we are worthy and lovable: I love you when you are good; I love you because you listen to me.  In traditional archetype fashion, mothers are the nurturing, caring souls who shower us with unconditional love.  All we have to do is be ourselves in order to gain their affection.  Their love is all encompassing and always forgiving.  We walk forth into our lives with a love that serves to promise us that we always have love and that we are worthy of it.  In contrast, fathers are the judging, demanding souls who provide us with conditional love.  Their love is based on achievement and accomplishments.  We must do and have in order to win their approval.  In this love, we become equipped to handle the rest of the world we encounter as adults.  
Yet, life is not this cut and dry.  It never is.  
From what I can tell in my own life and others from observation and listening, love seems to be mostly conditional.  I don’t believe it’s right or wrong.  No judgment.  I believe this is just a natural by-product of the entangled web of  human relationships that get passed down from generation to generation, like an oral tradition or rite of passage.  Perhaps as part of our own life’s lesson, we are being gifted so that we can better learn how to love ourselves and others.  Eventually, we see beyond what we thought was pure, unconditional parental love into the deeper wounds, co-dependent natures and insecurities and fears that really drive behavior, including how, when, what and why we love.  Even when love comes from a best intention, it may still miss the mark.  Love often greets us in the guise of pity, disrespect and control.
Throughout life, we condition ourselves to become acceptable to others, oftentimes shutting off who we really are and what we stand for.  In our attempt to fit into the norm and to not stand out too much, we present to impress.  After playing a role for so long, it’s hard to get in touch with the person behind the mask.  It’s even scarier to think about how our lives will change once we take the mask off. 
We spend so much time guarding, protecting and controlling.  What are we trying to prevent in our lives?  In this era of empowerment, shouldn’t we be trying to discover our authentic selves and voice?  The grip of past hurts and potential disappointment has us paralyzed so that we can neither give nor receive any love.  We have barricaded our hearts in, sometimes even not letting our adult selves in to soothe our inner child.  We grow older never healing, never learning how to receive love and, worst yet, never learning how to give love. 
I have had the greatest opportunities to face my truths head on.  I know that I want to live a life that is full of love.  At times, I am more concerned with what others can do for me and how I can better receive love.  I lose sight of my belief that my purpose is to serve others, and the best way to serve is to give love. 
Below are the ways that I have been trying to take my own guard down:
Observe Your Truth
First, you must find your personal truth.  It is time to see who has been residing behind the mask.  Take baby steps.  Start by just observing you and your life.  Listen to your words.  When you speak, does what you say resonate with you – is it your truth?  Follow your thoughts.  When you are doing something, is the activity you’re engaging in bringing you some sort of satisfaction – do you like it?  Watch your company.  When you hang out with co-workers, friends and family, do you enjoy spending time with them – is how you are using your time enjoyable to you?  Then, start to dig deeper.  Figure out why you do or don’t like something.  It seems so simple, but when we have been living on auto-pilot, you will find that it takes time, patience and work.  Remind yourself to tune in, and don’t beat yourself up when you tune out.  Your truths will be revealed slowly and surely.
Say Goodbye Gracefully
Always, whenever you are letting go of someone or something in your life that you have valued and cherished, there is going to be a sense of loss.  There are times when you will probably want to run back to the way things were because it’s comfortable.  Hold on and sit tight.  These moments will pass.  Be comforted by the fact that you are embarking on a soulful journey that promises fulfillment because you are living a life that is designed by you, by the divine in you.  The hints, messages, voices and gut feelings are our paths to our own enlightenment.  Take whatever time you need to say your goodbyes.  They served a wonderful purpose, and now, it’s time for you to move on.
Find Your Like
Now that you start to realize that not everything fits as neatly and nicely as it did before, it’s time to start venturing out with your more authentic self.  There are parts of yourself that need to be expressed, nourished and nurtured.  If you have gained a new interest or skill or mindset, find others who you can share them with.  You will find a safe space to really tap into these new parts in a way that won’t be judging.  Instead, you can help challenge each other to explore the boundaries of your newness so that you feel comfortable in your skin.
Gain Grounding Confidence
Over time, as you start to feel out this more authentic you, you and your life will start to gain traction on this new path.  The key is to keep following what feels right for you, despite what others think.  Let others own their judgments because that is more about them than it is about you.  You are very brave and courageous to embark on a journey that resonates with who you are and what you believe in.  Find your competence.  Know your strengths.  Be aware of your limitations.  Stand tall in your power. 
We will always be vulnerable – our wounds will always be there.  Yet, when we stand in our truth, our authentic self and our power, we have been given the greatest gift.  We have the compassion to forgive.  We have the will to act in alignment with our values.  We start to believe that we are worthy of love.  As our heart grows, so does our capability to receive and, best yet, give love.  As your heart power grows, you will start to release the expectations of how and what you want others to give to you, you won’t be so mindful of how much or how little others are giving, etc.  You will only be concerned with what you are giving to others. 
With Love,

Day 21 – Thanksgiving Thankfulness – Baring All: When I look up at the trees, their branches are barren. What once was adorned with a beautiful display of oranges, reds and yellows is now naked. They understand the necessity of shedding the excess as part of the natural change in seasons and know no shame in their nakedness. What a great reminder to live fearlessly – to not fear being exposed and living comfortably in my own skin. There is such beauty and freedom in being able to bare all. Thank you. Xx

Day 18 – Thanksgiving Thankfulness – Undercurrents: I’m not always plugged into my emotional undercurrents to know what I am feeling, responding to, absorbing from life past, present and future. But I know they’re always there…. like those darn triggers. Some days, they present themselves, as though they are showing up to be tried for a case – am I valid? am I right? or should I just be put a…way for some time…? what’s the verdict? Other days, they remain silent, brooding, hidden. Out of sight, out of mind. For the most part, they don’t come out unannounced; there is some forewarning – a leading thought, a response, an action – that they’re going to show up on my doorstep, waiting to be heard, demanding that they be responded to in that moment. It’s that every once in a while when they show up unannounced – those days when things just feel ‘off,’ and no matter what I do to derail, Stella just can’t get her groove back. The harder I try to make things right, the more things go wrong. My stomach feels knotty, my eyes become watery, my mind is unsettled. I don’t always know why, and perhaps, I don’t always want to know why. I am just not ready, yet. Nonetheless, my body seems to think otherwise. It’s smarter than I think it is. In fact, I believe the body and mind are the most beautiful instruments we have, and if I could just listen to what song they’re trying to play, I could be better attuned to what I need. Some scientific communities attest that we store our emotions in our bodies. I believe what they say. I believe our bodies are another form of expression – when we move, our souls speak, our emotions are freed. My mind does a great job of rationalizing, deducing, extracting, calculating and processing. It generates thoughts that lead to feelings… and it is my body that does a great job of relating to and communicating those feelings – my mouth knows when to frown, my eyes know when to smile, my stomach knows when to feel fluttery, my hands know when to get clammy. Perhaps these feelings don’t always need to be known or understood, just expressed and released. Somatic Psychology and Therapy derive their roots from the body/mind connection. Even something as simple as our breath has the amazing power to transform the life that it gives – you just need to know how to use it. I spend so much of my time searching for answers, clues, messages outside of myself… However, I am coming to realize that I don’t have to search any further than myself to find the truth, and that I have all the tools I need to conduct my search. I have to allow myself to be drawn into my undercurrents – it’s not so much about plugging into and out of them on occasion to catch the drift and so much more about riding with them. They can be disruptive, extreme, scary and daunting at times.. they are also soothing, exhilarating and absolutely liberating. They speak my story and unveil my truth. Thank you. Xx

Day 16 – Thanksgiving Thankfulness – Intention: It was hilarious – one of the skits from Second City’s “A Clown Car Named Desire” played on the art of manifestation. I won’t give it all away . A lady was seated at a table. Her waiter asked if she was waiting for someone. She confirmed, telling him that her thoughts were creating him, just like in the movie, “The Secret,” when the little boy’s th…oughts manifested a bike. I had to laugh out loud – I had just finished re-watching that movie the previous day!!! Good comedic timing, Universe I am on a bit of an experimental binge with intentions and manifestation, and, all in all, I believe in it – partly because I think I have nothing to lose and everything to gain if it is true and other partly because there is a beauty of simplicity behind the law that intentions create feelings create thoughts create words and actions. So I trace it backwards over and over: My body moves away, I tell you that you are all set, I feel the anxiousness… I want to leave. It’s opposite is true, as well: I grab for your hand, my voice feels boisterous and upbeat, there’s a warmth I feel… I want to be close to you. If this is the case, and we can not only monitor and also change our intentions from negative to positive, we have a lot more control over our outcomes than we believe we do. Therefore, I have also started challenging the belief systems that shape my intentions. The reveal continues, and the biggest surprise is what science has taught me: our belief systems were created and cemented between the ages of 3-7 (!!!), and furthermore, these belief systems are passed on from those who influenced us the most – mom, dad, Granny, teacher, etc. Hmmm. So I am a 34 yo responding to the world from a 3 yo perspective that is made up of a lot of antiquated views. That is quite haunting but not totally daunting . If I want to experience life differently and influence more positive outcomes and changes, then I have a starting place. So, intentions… Set me free . Thank you. Xx