Archives for posts with tag: growth

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Filling the space between and within
Deep-seated feelings of unlove
Projected out into the world
As her plea for validation
 
She gives endlessly
To everyone but herself
Hoping to be loved
And to find her belonging
 
A brick wall protects her heart
From feeling broken and sad
Building resentment and frustration
Which makes everything mad
 
Sensitivity goes hand in hand
With heightened defensiveness
Creating mile high barriers
With little understanding
 
Words become misconstrued arrows
Of slight, hurt and slander
Actions become misunderstood slings
Of attack, aggression and anger
 
There is no in-between
Always just black-and-white
The difference between good and bad
Will always justify the fight
 
The emotional rifts widen
To expose her soft-belly core
But soon thereafter comes a rumbling
Whose tsunami flows can’t be bore
 
Her heart is pure and golden
Carrying the best of intentions
It’s the weight of inconsequence
That always makes her strive for recompense
 
I open my heart, working to be soft and kind
But can no longer bear her pain
I shed her fears and insecurities
It’s my own progress that I must gain
 
Thank you deeply for your love
The time has come for me to say goodbye
To the relationship that once seemed to serve
There is a new dawn, a new age with no more lies
 
REDFINE THE LINE.
 
With Love,
theDesignLife
 
Protection speaks many languages
And it comes in many guises
From everywhere and everyone
Creating a cloudy mist
 
Its form is seen as a helping hand
Some telling advice or feedback
Sharing some of the responsibility
All the while believing in my lack
 
When you lie to me
To spare me of my own feelings
You deny me my strength
And hide behind your own being
 
You want to be seen as kind and sparing
But I see beyond your face
You cowardice! You liar!
Aren’t you tired of this bittersweet taste?
 
Understand that the truth
Is my gate of opportunity
Your lies are what is painful
I want to be set free
 
When you do or say for me
What I can do or say on my own
You are taking from my power
And reducing my tone
 
You want to be seen as helpful and friendly
But I see beyond your face
What control! What possessiveness!
Aren’t you tired of this bittersweet taste?
 
Know that I am not helpless
And give me the chance
I will show what I know and learn what I don’t
For this opportunity, I hope you will grant
 
When you speak from your assumptions
And beware and caution and advise
You believe I don’t already know

And don’t give me the chance for my knowing to rise
 
You want to be seen as knowledgeable and wise
But I see beyond your face
You’re intruding! You’re trespassing!
Aren’t you tired of this bittersweet taste?
 
Be aware that questions over tellings
Are what help to light my way
So if you really want to help
Let me feel the sun’s rays
 
For within each of us, we are so much more
Powerful and wise, strong and capable
If you want to be my friend, help me grow and spread my wings
Tune my up instead of out, increase my decibel
 
TURN YOURSELF UP.
 
With Love,
theDesignLife
 
Day 27 – Thanksgiving Thankfulness – Growth Spurts: While ignorance truly is bliss… It’s inevitable that life won’t remain that way. Whatever is hidden, whatever we don’t want to sense will eventually be revealed. The truth always makes itself known whether we are ready for it or not… because it’s for great cause – to become stronger, wiser, better. Teachers spring up everywhere in the guise o…f anyone whom we encounter in order to impart these truths, and if their lessons aren’t learned, they get harder the next time. So, it’s better when I listen the first time. I definitely feel the growing pains – emotionally, psychologically, … even physiologically – in an attempt to be released and transformed. I’ve come to learn not to hate (but still maybe not totally love) my teachers because I know my focus should be on the lessons I need to be learning. It has become a great year for empowerment – growing my power internally, instead of drawing from and depending on power externally. It has become one of the best ways to take responsibility for my life. Thank you. Xx

Day 12 – Thanksgiving Thankfulness – Kindred Spirits: The best part about my self-discovery journey is understanding what I made up of – my desires, triggers, boundaries, annoyances, pains – and then honoring them in such a way that helps me grow. I gain further clarity. I accept without judgment. I heal. While the uncontrollable remains out of reach, it is my decisions that start to become clearer because they are more aligned with who I am. There’s less back and forth, push and pull… stirring up less dust and confusion, guilt and resentment, upset and dissatisfaction. I feel more at peace. As I come closer to my truest self, I attract those kindred spirits who I get to ride the same wavelength with – this is my favorite part about the self-discovery journey. To quote Susan Cain, author of “Quiet,” during her interview on MarieTV: “I go through the world looking for kindred spirits, and there is always at least one – the person you really connect with. You really want to be with them. You want to get to know them better. You want to stay in touch.” When I meet a kindred spirit, I find that our individual energies converge into one big, better energy that is captivating, inspiring, glowing. All of the sudden, two becomes better than one. There’s less hesitation to speak my truth because we make it safe for one another to express our individuality and to play with the boundaries. In the words of Ann-with-an-e from “Anne of Green Gables” by L.M. Montgomery: “Kindred spirits are not so scarce as I used to think. It’s splendid to find out there are so many of them in the world.” Kindred spirits always make home feel not that far away! Thank you. Xx

Day 11 – Thanksgiving Thankfulness – Vulnerability: The wounds are always there, but whether or not they hurt depends on whether or not they are being triggered… My biggest wounds are matters of the heart: Do I feel safe showing you everything I am? Do you really love me? Do you accept me completely for who I am? Life typically plays out in fast forward, running from thing to person to event to activity… Distracting my mind from giving too much thought or attention to concerns of acceptance… Until the moment that seems to stand still in time… When I thought just enough growth and healing had occurred that it would never hurt again… And there’s that familiar pain in the pit of my stomach reminding me of my vulnerability – something that was so easily masked and covered up by my busyness and distractions. Yet, with the pain comes a sense of relief. I am human. I feel pain. I am alive. I take a breath… And another… Until I feel life fill me, releasing me from my guilt, my shame, my grief, my pain. I hate feeling vulnerable – my heart can ache too much, too hard, too long. I will embrace it, though, because it demonstrates that I can be fearless – it becomes my next step toward freedom as I turn my biggest adversary into my best friend… Myself. From what I can tell so far, healing requires the one thing I have been running away from for so long – reopening my wounds. Thank you. Xx