Archives for posts with tag: heart


Filling the space between and within
Deep-seated feelings of unlove
Projected out into the world
As her plea for validation
She gives endlessly
To everyone but herself
Hoping to be loved
And to find her belonging
A brick wall protects her heart
From feeling broken and sad
Building resentment and frustration
Which makes everything mad
Sensitivity goes hand in hand
With heightened defensiveness
Creating mile high barriers
With little understanding
Words become misconstrued arrows
Of slight, hurt and slander
Actions become misunderstood slings
Of attack, aggression and anger
There is no in-between
Always just black-and-white
The difference between good and bad
Will always justify the fight
The emotional rifts widen
To expose her soft-belly core
But soon thereafter comes a rumbling
Whose tsunami flows can’t be bore
Her heart is pure and golden
Carrying the best of intentions
It’s the weight of inconsequence
That always makes her strive for recompense
I open my heart, working to be soft and kind
But can no longer bear her pain
I shed her fears and insecurities
It’s my own progress that I must gain
Thank you deeply for your love
The time has come for me to say goodbye
To the relationship that once seemed to serve
There is a new dawn, a new age with no more lies
With Love,
You came into my life so unexpectedly
Bestowing your greatest gift to me
Reading me like an open book,
You have this incredible ability
Sliding your soft hand into my palm
Running your fingers across my every curve
Asking me to reveal my greatest vulnerabilities
Sending your love through my every nerve
With each caress, you reassure
My every doubt, my every fear
Even before I begin to share their stories
You have felt them, as though you are a seer
Striking every chord, hitting every nerve
You play my body like an instrument
Drawing out every octave
To finally voice its long held lament
Meeting me face-to-face
Standing in the center of my heart
You helped me breakthrough
With the precision and accuracy of a dart
With Love,
There comes a time when I reach a point
When there are no more tears to cry
And all of my emotions have run dry
The raging fury that once burned so brightly
Dying down to its embers, has spent all its fuel
With the space now for the heat to cool
Once I push past the anger, breaking through
To the other side, I now see plain and clear
The anger was masking my biggest, darkest fear
For when you help up the mirror, I saw my reflection
Like a loudspeaker, my fears being projected back
The shame too great, I couldn’t face up to all that I lack
The love for myself faltered and swayed
As it tripped over my weakened power
The triggers I no longer want to endure
I strip my emotions until they are naked
Standing under the moonlight
I realize that there is no more reason to fight
Baring my heart and soul’s truth
I can no longer run, I can no longer hide
I have said all that I need to confide
Wrapping myself in sweet surrender
A smile emerges, arms extend and eyes close
One long breath in, my body now unfroze
Sacrifice my fears, my insecurities
Hang them on the cross
For their sins, I have felt so much loss
Because there is nothing more to reveal
I don’t need to be protected any longer
Taking back my power, making me stronger
I may not be the best at this love thing
But I am not afraid to shed it all
And in my truth, I will stand tall
With Love,
the DesignLife
No matter how wild is my wildest dream
You feel my passion, see my spark
And look up at the star-kissed sky
Offering light to help me through the dark
No matter how loud is my loudest shout
You give me the space to speak my truth
And listen for what it’s rooted in
Coaxing out the words from my mouth
No matter how overly my overly giving
You are touched by its generosity
And feel so deeply grateful
Wondering if there was anyone luckier to be
No matter how many is my many tears
You undress and stand by my side
And share in my naked vulnerability
Willing to join me for this roller coaster ride
Steered sometimes by necessity
Other times by want and desire
Always through a choice we make
Coming deep from within our fire
All of the days and nights we share
I never once doubt your intentions
You always made my feel like your choice
That of everyone else, there is none
I know your love for me is real
I know your love for me is true
That what you say is from the heart
And it’s not your logic from which you drew
With Love,
Each face we encounter, including our own, etches a story
They are stories of fear, of disappointment, of destruction
Outlined by lines of struggle, worry and loss
Shadowed by lies, secrets and parts rejected
Furrowed brows and fake smiles
Hastened paces and nervous tics
Crouched postures and sunken bellies
Our bodies share our pain
If we take a few steps back
And we stand where the sun casts a different shadow
Follow the lines and curves, into the valleys and over the hills
We can see the form of a warrior emerging
Outreached arms and focused gaze
Steadfast stance and enduring mind
Brave heart and generous hand
Our bodies reveal our fortitude
If we take a few steps back
And we stand where the sun casts a different light
Follow the acts of kindness and openness of heart
We can see the form of a hero emerging
Every day signals the call for the hero
To rise and shine and start fresh, a new slate
On which to write our hopes and dreams
That live on – through and over, under and around
Each fear we confront becomes a testament to our courage
Every disappointment we overcome strengthens our resilience
Every struggle we turn into opportunity marks our ingenuity
All the destruction we use to create releases our aliveness
Each face we encounter, including our own, etches a story
They are stories of hope, of faith, of love
Outlined by lines of endurance, determination and perseverance
Lit by ways of compassion, kindness and generosity
With Love,
(n) the reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.
(v) have as one’s intention or objective.
I can remember as far back as my early college working days in the Boy’s Department at Nordstrom doodling on notepads.  What did I want to be when I grew up?  I would create a radial system of spokes seemingly shooting me off to my destiny.  One arrow pointed toward children.  I loved them, and I was good with them.  I spent my entire adolescence babysitting, leaving a 12-hour workday with one family only to move on to a 6-hour work night with another family.  Kids were my lifeline.  I relished in their joy, spontaneity and humor.  I could even withstand the tantrums and meltdowns.  Another arrow directed me to medicine.  I always loved biology and could marry it with my love for children by becoming a pediatrician.  But I loved the arts and culture, too.  Scientific discovery was not my idea of a canvas.  I wanted a channel for emotional, artistic expression, whether it be mine or someone else’s.  More arrows led to other interests in the areas of design, entrepreneurship, strategy & innovation.  Soon enough, what was supposed to be my yellow brick road became an explosion of ideas with little to no cohesion.  For years, I drew the same picture with the same image, resulting in more and more confusion about the direction in which I wanted to take my life. 
By late-2004, I knew I had to change my career path.  Yet, it wasn’t until 2006 that I decided to pursue my original intention to become a doctor.  I applied and was accepted into a post-baccalaureate pre-medical program.  Life would be set for me until kingdom come: post-bacc for 2 years, medical school for 4 years, residency for 4 years, and if I wanted a specialization, which I did, then X more years.  I would start at 27 years old and not re-emerge until at least 40.  I no longer had to waffle over what I should do with my life.  I felt a huge sense of relief to be rid of the aching desire to find purposeful work, to live a purposeful life and to do something I loved.  Yet, something within told me that this was not the right choice.  Instead of feeling liberated, I actually felt suffocated.  In lieu of joy was dread.  These were not feelings I thought I should be having when I was about to embark on my life purpose journey.  Being a strong believer in gut responses, I took heed and dropped out of the program on the day I was supposed to start and moved to Los Angeles.  It just so happened that I was more excited to move to Los Angeles without a job or any idea of where my life would take me than to start my journey to become a doctor.  From there, life weaves in and out of various jobs and paths in an attempt to take control of my destiny.  Even as recently as last June, my desire resurfaced, and I was beckoned to try again. 
While my interests are still many and varied, I have been better able to narrow down my focus, which has given me a sense of direction that I had lacked years prior.  Most importantly, during this leg of my journey, I have confronted some very important mindset shifts, which has allowed me to become a lot more realistic about what purpose means and how to find it. Below are some of my lessons learned:
Purpose Comes in Many Guises
For many years, I clung onto the belief that purpose was tied solely to career.  I felt that having the right career in an area that I loved was what living purposefully meant.  Now, I realize that purpose permeates across all aspects of life.  Purpose is what drives decisions and choices made everyday with regards to family, friends, home, health, etc.  I can have the purpose to be a good daughter, as well as the purpose to have a career I love.  All of them constitute purpose.
Purpose Is Another Word for Intention
This leads me to my next realization that to have purpose means to have intention.  When we think, say or do something for a specific reason, then it is purposeful.  A way to make life filled with wonderful purpose is to align thoughts, words and actions with our value system so that they are meaningful and authentic.  I cook healthy and hearty meals to serve my family.  When I do this, I feel imbued with a sense of purpose because it is my way to show my love for them.
Money Can Be Part of The Purpose
A major breakthrough for me has been my relationship with money.  I always felt money and purpose had an either/or relationship.  However, after staring at my budget day after day, I concluded that money is a key factor in my happiness, well-being and health.  Money is a freedom tool for me to continue my health journey, explore more adventures and give to my family and friends in ways that I would like to.  For me, money is part of my purpose.  I have shifted my expectations and criteria so that I can accommodate my needs and wants much more comfortably without feeling greedy or guilty!   Anything that serves you should be part of your purpose because that will help build the foundation needed to create more and more fulfillment.
Security Increases Purpose’s Bandwidth
I realize that when my life feel scarce, a lot of my energy is dedicated to worry and stress in order to take care of basic necessities.  However, when life is abundant and my needs and wants are taken care of, I no longer have that energy drain.  Instead, I can channel my energy into more productive and creative outlets that allow me to deepen relationships, generate new ideas and create more abundance.  Fear of loss is replaced by a gratitude for all the opportunities that are now visible without the cloud of worry.
Follow Your Joy to Find Your Purpose
At the very base of our purpose is to feel joy.  I have no doubt in my mind that our lives are meant to be filled with peace of mind and joy of heart.  When we fill our hearts with joy, we are living our lives as they are intended.  So, when in doubt, listen to what your heart is telling you and follow the path that is filled with love and light. 
With Love, 
(v) require (something) because it is essential or very important.
(n) a thing that is wanted or required.
I have allowed the winds of change to drift me to and fro without any clear direction or defined boundaries. Most people would have gotten motion sick, demanded that life stop right then and there, and climbed into the driver’s seat to take back control of their lives. Instead, I believed that the roller coaster ride was just part of the adventure, to be expected and accepted. No wonder I kept finding myself in similar situations over and over again. I lived in a state of perpetual inertia, always on the brink of movement but never being able to break forward. I kinda knew what I wanted and had no clue what I needed. While most people operate in black and white, I see nothing but 50 shades of grey. Life blurred. Intentions blurred. Understanding blurred. It was as though my North Star was hiding behind a huge cloud.
Luckily, even when life felt a little or a lot out of control, I remained secure in the facts that I always had safety nets and believed wholeheartedly that life was spiraling upwards. Scenes, voices, situations looked familiar, but they were not exactly the same. I also knew that this was the story of my life and that my lessons would be hard.  If I wanted life to be softer, I had to change my story.  
Throughout this incredibly demanding and rewarding journey, I am so much more receptive to my lessons and am trying to learn them as effectively as I can. The inner consultant begs me to be efficient, even when it comes to life lessons.  When I quit my job last June, I knew that I would face one of my biggest, looming, way beyond overdue tasks – define my needs, wants and desires. In order to break the inertia and move forward in the direction of my North Star, the Universe was demanding that I align my heart, mind and soul. Come August, I turned inward in a different way. I wasn’t focused on uncovering my hidden wounds, I was instead interested in listening to my heart.
Day by day, week by week, month by month, I investigated every detail about my life and still am investigating them. I examine what provides sustenance, nurturance, nourishment. What feels good vs ok vs bad? What are my power attachments? Where do I draw my energy from? What are my explicit life goals in the immediate, short, mid and long-term?  As a result, I have created my own Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In the meantime, I am learning to trust my gut responses as an indication of how I really feel. Granted, my head starts to want to do its job and analyze, but it has been more important for me to rely on my intuition than anything else. Within me, through my intuition, I trust that I will be guided to where I need to be, who I need to be with and what I need to do to take my next step toward my North Star.
Up until recently, I believed that needs were static and could never include such things as wants and desires.  I associated needs with survival, which I pictured using a stone-age framework – a cave dwelling, foraged food. No fluff.  No frill.  No fancy.  My biggest breakthrough came when I disconnected this association and revised my framework.  Needs still meant securing the basics, like food, shelter, health, etc., but how I qualified them were up to me.  All of the sudden, I realized a big power shift so that I now held control over how I defined my life.  Therefore, I have started defining and qualifying my needs in a way that suits me that makes me feel safe, secure and yummy.  
In a lot of ways, I feel as though I am building a house that will eventually become my home.  Right now, I am building the foundation by fulfilling my base needs.  Once they are realized, I will revise them and start working on the infrastructure.  Eventually, I will have arrived home to my North Star.
With Love,