Archives for posts with tag: insecurities


Filling the space between and within
Deep-seated feelings of unlove
Projected out into the world
As her plea for validation
She gives endlessly
To everyone but herself
Hoping to be loved
And to find her belonging
A brick wall protects her heart
From feeling broken and sad
Building resentment and frustration
Which makes everything mad
Sensitivity goes hand in hand
With heightened defensiveness
Creating mile high barriers
With little understanding
Words become misconstrued arrows
Of slight, hurt and slander
Actions become misunderstood slings
Of attack, aggression and anger
There is no in-between
Always just black-and-white
The difference between good and bad
Will always justify the fight
The emotional rifts widen
To expose her soft-belly core
But soon thereafter comes a rumbling
Whose tsunami flows can’t be bore
Her heart is pure and golden
Carrying the best of intentions
It’s the weight of inconsequence
That always makes her strive for recompense
I open my heart, working to be soft and kind
But can no longer bear her pain
I shed her fears and insecurities
It’s my own progress that I must gain
Thank you deeply for your love
The time has come for me to say goodbye
To the relationship that once seemed to serve
There is a new dawn, a new age with no more lies
With Love,
Held down by the chains
Of our own self-limiting beliefs
Never really knowing what’s possible
Will be our death’s greatest grief
For within each and all of us
Dwells infinite abundance
Once realized and manifested
All of our deepest desires it grants
Awaken the Shakti, uncoil the serpent
Re-engage the power that fell dormant
See your God-image in the mirror
All those primal fears you shall recant
Accept the invitation to journey
Into your deepest inner caverns
Excavating the dirt to find the diamond
Your own magnificence is what you’ll learn
Understanding your past
Will open the door to your present
Bringing light consciousness to surface
Truth, beauty and love no longer latent
All that surrounds us is of our creation
Change your beliefs, change your being
Once you know you’re Christ-self
You will experience full Self-healing
With Love,
There comes a time when I reach a point
When there are no more tears to cry
And all of my emotions have run dry
The raging fury that once burned so brightly
Dying down to its embers, has spent all its fuel
With the space now for the heat to cool
Once I push past the anger, breaking through
To the other side, I now see plain and clear
The anger was masking my biggest, darkest fear
For when you help up the mirror, I saw my reflection
Like a loudspeaker, my fears being projected back
The shame too great, I couldn’t face up to all that I lack
The love for myself faltered and swayed
As it tripped over my weakened power
The triggers I no longer want to endure
I strip my emotions until they are naked
Standing under the moonlight
I realize that there is no more reason to fight
Baring my heart and soul’s truth
I can no longer run, I can no longer hide
I have said all that I need to confide
Wrapping myself in sweet surrender
A smile emerges, arms extend and eyes close
One long breath in, my body now unfroze
Sacrifice my fears, my insecurities
Hang them on the cross
For their sins, I have felt so much loss
Because there is nothing more to reveal
I don’t need to be protected any longer
Taking back my power, making me stronger
I may not be the best at this love thing
But I am not afraid to shed it all
And in my truth, I will stand tall
With Love,
the DesignLife

(n) an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat; (v) be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

We live life being protected.  We are protected from the threat of guns, germs and steel, as well as the danger of our thoughts, feelings and emotions.  The macrocosm of societies have long equipped themselves with arms and weapons to defend against the real or perceived threat of neighboring invaders while the microcosm of Self was born with innate responses to fight, flee or freeze to protect itself from social and animal predators. 
Freed from the threats of sabre-tooth tigers and cave men with clubs, we now face different kinds of fears.  Mostly, we come face-to-face with our own internal fears surrounding rejection, abandonment, isolation and all of the other internal mechanisms we employ to protect us from humiliation, shame and guilt. 
Fear definitely holds value and plays a well-respected role, but there is also an appropriate time and place for its expression.  When fear is what is beating you up, being the voice of your inner critic or expressing itself as your shadow and is blocking your potential for further self-expression, then it needs to be confronted. 
The biggest realization we need to make is that the fears we have are ours alone – we created them, we carry them, we manifest them.  Fear is our own defensive play in the game called, Life.  The best part about this is that if we create our own fears, then we can also control them.  Don’t believe that fears, just like our shadows, insecurities or inner critics, will ever be eradicated.  They are part of us, so need to be recognized as such.  The most effective way to confront our fears is not to shun them but to accept them and put them aside. 
Over the past several years, I have explored some of my deepest and darkest places, forcing me to confront as many aspects about myself that I can find, including my fears.  Today, I try to muster every ounce of courage I have to overcome the fears that are holding me back.  When I come across a recognized fear, I ask myself two big questions before I figure out how to proceed:
What’s The Worst Case Scenario?
The best part about this question is that it usually provides an answer that isn’t nearly as scary or daunting as thought prior to asking this question.  Most recently, I questioned whether or not to even share my personal thoughts on this blog, then share it with those in my personal and professional network.  I wondered how others would perceive me; I became frightened that too much of myself would become exposed; I assumed everyone would become a critic of my grammar and composition, etc.  However, when I took several steps back, I re-examined my objectives and intentions against the worst case scenario.  My primary objective has been to write my story because I love writing.  The secondary objective has been to share my story with those who might be able to learn from, gain understanding through or just relate to my soul-searching journey.  The worst case scenarios were people rejecting my story, hating my writing or ignoring my blog altogether.  And I was ok with that.  So long as there was a part of this process that was just for me, I would be ok… Now, with a handful of followers and some blog post likes, I’m even better 🙂  Thank you, readers, for your support and encouragement – you have made my worst case scenario turn into my best case scenario!   
Am I Hurting Myself or Anyone Else?
This is a hard question to answer sometimes because harm can be manifested in many guises – actions, words, intentions and thoughts even.  As I am starting to write a book about part of my life, I come across this question often because there are others who I will write about in the context of my life.  Sometimes, the roles they played aren’t always portrayed in the best light, and since I don’t want to hurt them, I need to figure out better ways to show how they helped to shape me and my life.  I do believe that there is a fine line to be walked in these circumstances, and for me, I am letting my heart be my judge.  Ultimately, so long as when I want to do or say isn’t going to endanger someone, I’m good with it. 
Fear can be elusive.  It seems to slip its way into our lives in many sizes and shapes.  At the root of seemingly innocuous hesitations, postponements, deferrals and projections is a fear that forms a barrier between us and the life we want to lead.  Like my Vision Board says:

If you don’t try, fear wins.

With Love