Archives for posts with tag: voice
Sucking from her nipple,
the milk of repressed emotions
 
Distended belly bloated with anger
Umbilical cord severed
 
Choking on words
Not even my own
 
Voice of a different generation
Breathing fire cauldron
 
Sticky tar boils over
Attached to the pain
 
Nourished only
By the memory of a dream
 
Bitten by love’s venom
Life as the only antidote
 
They start as inclinations
A tendency, a preference
Over time, they become patterns
 
If we are busy, we fail to recognize them
But if we remain still, even if for just a moment
Hand over the mic, and they will tell you
 
They are the whispers and nudges
We mostly think of as nuisances
Or even coincidences or accidents
 
And then, we hear their voices
The authenticity that underlies
All that is tepid, trembling or timid
 
Giving way to the strong and steady
The voice we have carried within
All along those tendencies meant something
 
They all add up, and we wake up
Realizing that they were co-incidences
Not just accidents or happenstance
 
Yet we somehow want to shut it up
Our own voices. We strip it of its credibility.
Shutting up. Shutting down. Ignoring it.
 
When you don’t honor your inner stirrings
What some may name a calling – your calling
To say or do something in that moment
 
You neglect not only yourself
Because a calling is more than your own creation
It exists through the consciousness
 
A family’s blessing, a community’s wish
A state’s need or God’s offering
Is all wrapped within each of our callings
 
To honor it is to say YES
And to live our life beyond imagination
The greatness we live is the greatness we give
 
So watch what draws you, repels you, feeds you
Every glance, every hunch hold significance
Pay attention to the message that it gives
 
They call to your soul on every level
They are the lessons to learn and the ways to grow
Let them lead you to your home
 
FOLLOW THE CALLS. 
 
With Love,
theDesignLife
 
No matter how wild is my wildest dream
You feel my passion, see my spark
And look up at the star-kissed sky
Offering light to help me through the dark
 
No matter how loud is my loudest shout
You give me the space to speak my truth
And listen for what it’s rooted in
Coaxing out the words from my mouth
 
No matter how overly my overly giving
You are touched by its generosity
And feel so deeply grateful
Wondering if there was anyone luckier to be
 
No matter how many is my many tears
You undress and stand by my side
And share in my naked vulnerability
Willing to join me for this roller coaster ride
 
Steered sometimes by necessity
Other times by want and desire
Always through a choice we make
Coming deep from within our fire
 
All of the days and nights we share
I never once doubt your intentions
You always made my feel like your choice
That of everyone else, there is none
 
I know your love for me is real
I know your love for me is true
That what you say is from the heart
And it’s not your logic from which you drew
 
LOVE NO MATTER HOW.
 
With Love,
theDesignLife
 

Day 9 – Thanksgiving Thankfulness – Voice: Voice is one of the most powerful tools we have to communicate our thoughts and feelings, individually and collectively, internally and externally. Voice transcends vocal chords and written word – it is the unmistakable spirit that inspires and empowers us to take stands against injustice, spread new ideas, forge deeper bonds, pass on generational traditions and create a community of oneness. All it takes is an act of kindness, a nonviolent protest, a reassuring hug – no doubt your message, your intention, your voice, will be clear as can be. Amazingly, through technology, your and my voice have gained spread and meaning. Our voices can be shared amongst an entire global community to help provide support, information and understanding. To quote Sheryl Sandberg in her HBS Class of 2012 speech: “… Now ordinary people have voice… Anyone with access to Facebook, to Twitter or a mobile phone. This is disrupting traditional power structures and leveling traditional hierarchy. Voice and power are shifting from institutions to individuals.” At first, I was set on finding my perfect pitch. Now, I realize that my voice will continue to morph over time as my belief system, authentic Self and circumstances change. Thank you. Xx

co·de·pend·en·cy
excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.
 
As we start to identify not only with ourselves but also the world around us, including our families, community, school-mates, co-workers, friends and lovers, we fall prey to certain roles, responsibilities and their associated expectations. 
 
Our social network becomes a web of many different personas with varying degrees of need for control, submission, validation, rejection, freedom, intimacy.  When we start to rely on others or when others start to rely on us to feed these needs excessively, we have started to spin ourselves into co-dependency. 
 
Growing up, I didn’t know what co-dependency was, however, as I have gotten older, I have started to recognize a pattern of co-dependence in my own life.  Being an empath (someone who absorbs others’ emotional states), a Cancer and an innately maternal female, I have very easily played into the role of Mother, Care-Taker, Sympathizer and Giver.  I do not always play these roles, however, when prompted, they fit like a glove.  What I started to realize is that just as much as those around me liked me in this role, I loved and was starting to need the validation for my own self-worth.  Whoooooaaaaa there, horsey! 
 
I am still foraging for examples of healthy relationships – what do they look like? what do they feel like? I haven’t been able to piece together the entire picture, but I at least know what is unhealthy, and the role I was playing and getting validation from was the unhealthy type.  Over the past several months, if not years, I have been working on kicking the co-dependency habit.  It takes time, but here are the invaluable lessons I have learned and am still learning:
 
Do You!
First and foremost, you must equip yourself with the necessary skills to satisfy yourself.  Love yourself.  Put yourself first.  Recognize when you are doing something for the sake of validation.  To quote Eleanor Roosevelt: ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’  Sometimes, this means sitting still with just you and being comfortable with just you.  Sometimes, this means being amidst people and feeling secure in who you are.  Ultimately, to break away from co-dependency, rid yourself of any guilt or shame associated with being you so that you can finally accept yourself for who you are.
 
Break Free
As you start to stand up for who you are – your needs, wants and desires, you will find that some people will stand by your side to support and laud you, while others might be shocked and disapproving.  The latter are those you need may need to break free from (they may just need time to adjust to the new you, but most likely, they are part of the co-dependency web.)  Like I have mentioned, change is not always smiles, but it is necessary when you want to create new habits, shed skin or break free.  I will say again that when you let go of those people who no longer serve you or your purpose, then you make room for those who do.  Allow those who want to be part of your journey to come along for the ride. 
 
Just Say No
Perhaps you do not have to let go of everyone who was part of the entangled co-dependency web.  There may be some who are changing alongside you, or those who want to change.  If you want to test the waters to see if this is an opportunity to strengthen the bond, then do so and don’t be afraid to say no – literally and figuratively.  We each have our own life purpose.  We each have our own lessons to learn.  We each have our own needs and desires.  When someone else is off-loading their lessons, their needs and their desires onto you for you to help them carry, fulfill and meet, know that it is very ok to say no. When someone else’s needs drown out your own, or take up way too much space in your life, this is a warning signal that you are being consumed by someone else’s drama. 
 
They Have Others
Know this.  Not only is it ok to say no because it’s good for you but also because those dependent on you will always have someone else – one person or perhaps a team of people – who will be there to pick up where you left off.  Those who like to control often have an entourage of ‘submissives’ willing, able and ready to ‘serve.’   Be cognizant of whether or not this support dynamic still exists because it can be used as a barometer for whether or not those who attest they want to kick the co-dependency habit are for reeeeeeeaal.  
 
I have come across those who have barricaded themselves in with a stone wall of defense.  At the mere mention of unhealthy, there is an automatic unwillingness to be open and honest and a sheer determination to be defensive and offended.  I still vacillate on whether or not to leave them as-is because ‘they will never change anyways’ or to keep the dialogue open-ended for the one day when maybe they will be ready.  This is more of a life-long consideration and effort for me, and perhaps, it is even part of my life lesson.
 
Well-being, whether in the guise of fitness, diet or healthy relationships, is always within reach.  We just need to decide when enough is enough and want to make the change.  I am here to help you through your changes by sharing with you my own experiences of change. 
 
LIVE WELL.
 
With Love,
theDesignLife